I saw some eagles overhead today. They are big - you can't miss them. Sometimes they are close to the ground - other times they soar high in the air. But most interestingly for me, they rarely flap their wings. It's not like they are incapable of it. They just have other ways of flying. They know where the vents are, and the way the wind moves. They use these natural gusts and changes in the wind to fly. That's so smart - the alternative is flapping - working your tail off.
I am a flapper. I work myself to the bone, trying to get somewhere by my own effort. And yes, it's worked! However, I am so tired, and the work never seems done. No matter how high I fly, there are others above me or other flapping harder. There is another way that doesn't depend on the flapping, but more depends on the wind. The alternative is to soar - to learn the ways of the eagles and how to be at the right time in the right place. It's a way I feel like I knew, and a way I need to get back to.
The fact is that I AM guided by the spirit. The choices we make prove that we are moving by faith and not by sight. But for some reason I am addicted to flapping. Maybe I am tethered by the expectations of the other birds - they need to flap so I feel like I need to as well. Maybe I am comparing myself to the sparrows and the hummingbirds who yes, can fly, but no, don't have the same calling. And maybe I feel guilty when I profit and soar from something besides hard work.
God, I give all of this to you. I give you my insecurity, my feeling of having to earn your grace or dig myself out of holes. I give you my need to compare myself to others - I want what you have for me. I have one person I can compare anything to and that is Jesus. And God, I release my personal expectations of ministry, following you, or of your call on my life. I just say Yes Lord - have your way, no matter how easy or hard that may be.
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