Rough Times

God can give you all you need. He will give you more than enough. You will have everything you need for yourselves. And you will have enough left over to give when there is a need. -2 Corinthians 9:8

Sunday was a rough day. I was at a really low point and finances were really bothering me. It takes $7,000 a month to keep us running and August and September only brought in $4,200. We had a couple bills we couldn’t pay and were in ‘creative accounting’ territory with some others - delaying payment so we could pay others. I was on the verge of picking up the phone and starting to call the people I knew that may be able to help in case of emergency, thinking this may be a test of my pride. I ended up choosing to contact some people God had put on my heart to encourage instead. Carla and I had a long conversation; she hasn’t been nearly as bothered this time around.

Then breakthrough started. After multiple months of no unexpected donations, we had 3 in the same day. Tuesday was breakthrough in our website work - after much discussion we had three people pay for work and a large contract for next year finalized. God came through again in incredible ways.

In college, living by faith was cool. We got to see God’s miracles around us and he provided over and over again for mission trip and other things he was laying on our heart. Then faith was me and Carla, going to Africa with less than $200 for 9 months but full of faith. That was scarier because it was our lives at risk; we knew no one and didn’t even know where we would be staying. But it was just us.

Then the kids came along. People started freaking out when they heard what kind of situations we’d be raising our children in… They only knew a small portion of it - that’s when we started down-playing some of the issues we were facing because others would worry if they actually knew the danger we were facing.

And then we started Equip Mozambique and things got even more real and more intense. Now other people and other families were depending on me. This responsibility is a great burden on me and the thought that we may not be able to pay salaries is always a huge worry. My friend pointed out to me…

“You’ve risked a lot of Jesus. You’ve sacrificed. Are you allowing others to risk and sacrifice as well?”

Anyway, today is a day of praise - that God does generously provide, and that we are taken care of. Today is also a day of reflection - why do I still feel this heavy burden when I am certain God will provide, and how can I give that to God? This seems like my never-ending struggle; as soon as I overcome it at some level, God ups the ante and I have more staff, larger projects, or more people depending on me. Maybe what I really need is a paradigm shift.