Today Was a Struggle

 

Today was a struggle to wake up, to get showered, get moving. It was a struggle preaching and a struggle driving. I went back after our message, to a smaller congregation that didn’t seem to have much interest, and just slept. I woke up even more tired than I had been previously.

 

In ministry terms I accomplished almost nothing today. But I sat with my family, I talked with God, and I rested - all things that actually are victories of some sort. I need to make sure they are victories in themselves - not just if they lead to a stronger ministry.

 

I feel so weak, like I’m no longer able to support the insane growth the ministry has had. But was that ever my job to do? So what if I can’t do it all? All I can do is give what I have to God, and right now that’s not much. And besides, the worst thing that can happen isn’t the ministry dying. The worst thing that can happen is if the ministry gets built on Carla and I’s strength, and leads people toward us instead of toward Christ. 

 

My verse for the year: Stand in the presence of the Lord and wait for Him to act. Psalm 37:7

 

I think I’ll just have to take that literally.

 

More Features

I was sitting down for quiet time today… when my son, Kyran, came in and showed me the paper airplane he just made. It looked really strange, and the middle part opened up to be kind of a sideways cup. I asked him to explain what was going on there. He said “it didn’t really work as an airplane, so I turned it into a popcorn holder too!”

I thought it was funny, but a real life lesson for me. How often, when something isn’t going right, do I add things to it to try to fix it, even understanding that’s not the solution?!? How often do I get distracted from the real task of making a working airplane and end up doing something on the side that feels productive but takes even more focus away from where it should be? For me, it is clear that making the airplane a popcorn holder will always make the airplane worse than it would be if it had a single purpose, but that wasn’t clear at all to Kyran. 

This has really caused me to think, I do the same thing except with people and projects. Is it needing to appear productive for other people? Is it the ease of doing a small side-project I know I can win instead of tackling the greater projects I’m not sure about?

When I think of this I am reminded of Warren Buffet’s advice: write down your top 25 things you want to accomplish in life. Now, circle the top 5. The top 5 are your goals. Your other 20 are your avoid at all costs list. Most people never accomplish anything in life because there are too many competing goals and goals absolutely have diminishing returns.

What are my top 5? Focusing on being the leader of Equip Mozambique. Yes, I can be filling out grants or applications or financial records or coding. But I need to be leading. I need to take a stand and, instead of saying “no one else is doing this so I guess I have to”, say “no one else is doing this so it won’t be done until I find someone who can do it”. I always try to be helpful but that means in a given day I am fixing printers, working with email and doing a bunch of things that other people really should be working on.

I also need to get my God time sorted out. I used to do it in the morning when I woke up, but now I have a giant list of issues to deal with as soon as I wake up, and I only have 2 hours where Mozambique and the US business times overlap. NO checking my email or WhatsApp before I spend time with God.

An intensive/rest time with God can give God the opportunity to work with you to root out what’s causing this to be such a stronghold in your life. The challenge here is to press through and actually start doing it.

If it doesn’t fit into my top 5, forget it. It’s like adding a popcorn holder to an airplane.

 

 

Easter Thoughts

Then the disciples who had reached the tomb first also went in, and he saw and believed - for until then they still hadn’t understood the scriptures that said Jesus must rise from the dead.
John 20:8-9

The resurrection of Jesus was an event that transformed the world. But it was really the culmination of a plan of several thousand years to redeem God’s people. However his disciples only understood on THAT DAY. Imagine - God dropping hints throughout the entire Old Testament, and then being super plain with Jesus when he was talking to the disciples, but they didn’t understand until it actually happened.

I feel like this has many parallels to leadership. God gives you a vision and you work on it for years. Some people are blindly following you or they follow you because they are being paid, but they don’t understand the vision. Even at your Gethsemanies and your most difficult moments, they don’t understand and are there sleeping. It’s only after the fact that they understand the vision.

But there is hope. The disciples didn’t stay like that. The next moves of God, they were right there along with Him. Acts describes the disciples as being in step with the Spirit, doing God’s will in God’s timing, and understanding the vision. Revelations goes even further and describes a people who see beyond their own time and to God’s plans for the future.

If we are always being surprised by God, it’s a good indication we are not spending enough time with Him, or that we are missing something He is trying to tell us.