Burning Out

Today I recognized myself burning out, so I decided to stay home for the morning. I am getting tired and snapping at people so yeah, the morning is just going to be spending reading, praying, napping, and finishing a couple things I haven’t been able to at the office.

I woke up in the middle of the night realizing that I have fallen back into the same trap of doing things myself. It’s really a crushing realization for me. It seems like when I am tired then that’s what I do - fix things myself. Lord help me.

Today I was reading in Luke about Anna and Simeon and their prophecies about the Messiah. The big thing that stick out to me was when the scriptures said “Anna never left the temple” - my overly-correct American brain starts thinking if that meant she slept there and was fasting for years at a time. In addition to being American, I was trained as a scientist and they are even more unnecessarily correct than most. Here I am distracted by the main parts of the story because of some details in the way that add basically nothing.

Additionally, I think we are trained to read the Bible wrongly, thinking in an overly-detailed way about the Hebrew or Greek meanings and conjugations and forgetting the main points and topics that are supposed to be the focus. 

I feel heartbroken realizing I am the problem…I have treated my employees like I want to be treated - be given a project and left alone to build, create, and make something amazing within loose bounds. I am finding that few people can operate like that. Things I have done right: found good, capable people. Developed a strong godly culture of accountability and putting people above projects.

 

Trust as defined by Psalms 56:3 and Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalms 56:3 - When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.

Interestingly enough, this isn’t a little child talking to God… Having kids, I have heard about a dozen
different versions of this song put to music for children. However, it wasn’t originally for them - this is David talking, a grown man who has seen hundreds of battles and thousands of people die around him. Not if, but when I am afraid.

If David, after all he had been through and seen, could still be afraid and know that he will be afraid sometime in the future, how much more me? Fear isn’t rational - it’s not based on the number of times we have seen God act and move in our lives previously, it’s not based on our experiences or failures or a realistic look at our capabilities… Rather, it is like the wind and rain; yes there are seasons where it is more frequent and seasons where it is less frequent but you can’t control when it comes; you can only control your reaction to it.

“I will trust in you” - Fear isn’t a choice, but trust is. And trust is a two-way Street - it is much easier to trust in someone who has already trusted in you. And God has placed a tremendous amount of trust in us, giving us His name. He even trusts us to the point that we are his representatives, His ambassadors, and His reputation on Earth will be impacted by our actions.

Lord, you are not only trustworthy, but I have seen your many actions of faithfulness on my behalf. You trust me with your Name and reputation. Though the things I face are big on my eyes, still I will choose to trust in you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Interestingly enough, this pits the heart against the mind, almost the opposite of the Psalms 56 verse. That one is talking about fear (emotion) being overruled by an intellectual choice. This one is talking about trusting God with your heart (emotion, being) over the mind and what you see and understand. Together, the verses mean that no matter where our doubts come from - be it emotions or thoughts or reason - we can overcome them with our own choices.

Submit to Him - it is hardest to submit when you don’t understand. I know few people that operate at this level… Most of us wait until we catch a glimpse of what God is doing before we begin to trust in him.

He will make your paths straight - I love this. From the world’s perspective, they don’t understand us - we appear to be like the wind; no one knows where we come from or where we are going (John 3). But from the perspective of eternity, God’s path is the easiest and straightest, without the world’s detours of child support, broken relationships, sin and addiction, and the host of other distractions the world and Satan have for us.

 

He is Trustworthy

 

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

Wow, this passage gets straight to the point… Those who know God trust him. He doesn’t let his followers down. He is trustworthy... 

It reminds me of a time a couple years ago when I was really concerned because of a number of
situations I knew about with other missionaries, and God’s response was “but have I ever let you down?” No, no He hasn’t. Other people’s situations? I can only just guess at because I don’t see the whole picture.

We have been close to being let down. So close that I really didn’t want to do that again - like a roller coaster that is too scary for you. But God has always been there for us. Like our first trip to Mozambique where we only had $200 with us and it was supposed to last 9 months? How about the time we had a guy getting a gang together to rob my house? Or the two separate incidents where we flew back into Mozambique fully expecting to be arrested at the airport? Or about the time we completely ran out of money but it showed up at the last minute from Ukraine of all places…

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

Psalm 20:7

Some trust in their wealth, abilities, and belongings. Others trust in their friends, wealthy people they know, or family connections. But we need to trust in the Lord. In the name of the Lord. To many it looks like foolishness but it is our way and the Lord is in it. Jesus help me with my unbelief…