Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46:10
It is such a fight to be still in the Lord, stop, turn off the phones, get away from the hurry and, even harder, still the deluge of thoughts. But it’s worth it. In God I find my hope renewed, my vision clarified, my soul refreshed.
I am still looking into rest because that’s probably my biggest weakness at the moment.
“But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. We are eagerly waiting for him to return as our savior.” Philippians 3:20
To do or to rest? Work for God’s kingdom on Earth or anxiously wait for His return? There are so many tensions in the Bible, and I don’t feel like I healthily straddle them. We had visitors last week that totally threw off our schedules - Carla and I were getting only a couple hours of sleep a night and we started this week seriously dragging. I am grumpy and snapping at people. Carla isn’t able to comprehend when I’m talking to her about complex plans.
Today is Tuesday, the day I avoid the office, sit home, write e-mails and program. It’s the only day I get to do things undisturbed (mostly). While 90% of the programming and development is with others, I am still the best on the team and every once in a while, they need help on some seriously complex situation. Added to that are my executive duties, which I am learning more about daily. I need to lead, guide, and direct, meaning lots of time in prayer and worship, and focused on the future. To truly do this I need more time, and more time where I am rested. Visioneering is so difficult when I am tired but flows so easily when I’m rested…
So where’s the balance? I need to think of heaven and set my sights on Christ (Phil 3:20) but also “press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God is calling us” (Phil 3:14). Imagine how different my day would be if I knew God was in control? If I started my day with my priorities aligned with his?
Saturday—Another weekend but I have way too many things to do yet again. Neither car works so that’s a bit of an emergency… Also I am extremely tired, coming off an amazing retreat but really needing a break. I came away from that meeting with so much homework! I will try to space everything out over the next couple months but it will still be difficult.
Sunday—On Saturday I worked on the car but was not successful with either of them. I got the front door fixed and the window in our bedroom redone, and my communication class homework done. I had to take public transport looking for the car parts I needed and, as per usual in Beira, I could not find the parts I was looking for even though I stopped at 6 stores. Sunday I am taking it easy, though I defaulted to upgrading a server and completing a VPN connection to Brazil to help one of my friends.
On the rest side of things, I played a game, spent some time with the kids, and took a nap. I am still very tired though. How do you get away from feeling like the whole world is on your shoulders? How on Earth can you live in Mozambique in peace, with everything breaking down constantly, a lack of skilled professionals meaning you always have to babysit them and a lack of stock in the stores meaning you always have to be shopping? I tried resting more, taking a walk, but it was impossible to really rest, knowing that at home I had 2 broken cars and a front door that wouldn’t latch.
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. The High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. - Hebrews 4:14-16
God, teach me to boldly approach your throne of grace for rest. I need so much from you, and I don’t know how to do it alone. I know there is a promised Sabbath rest for your people - teach me how to live in it.
