Ramblings

 

Reading in Exodus 2-4 about the calling of Moses. He had promises in his life and vision. At first he tried to accomplish them without God, killing an Egyptian in defense of his people. Humiliated, he was exiled and forgot about God’s plan for his life. But many years later (he was around 80), God called him from a burning bush. This time, he got in the way again, giving God a giant list of excuses. Both times, Moses’s self got in the way of what God wanted to do...

I woke up at 4:30 because of the baby today, figured I would spend more time in the Word and praying today. The problem is it’s almost time to go to work and I am tired already.

I am praying about how I can move forward and how our ministry can really do what it’s called to do. We are supposed to be equipping Mozambicans of Character to Transform their Country. We, recently, have spent a lot of time just surviving. While life is going on and people are learning, I don’t feel like there is a ton of equipping going on at the moment. We are taking on a number of website and app jobs to pay the bills and while I am grateful for the funding I am hesitant because of the loss of vision it may lead to.

On the other hand, what if we are teaching the Mozambican church a more sustainable method of growth? What if this is exactly where God wants us? I know that in my interactions in the for-profit sector I have made almost as big of an impact as in the non-profit sector - people know who I am and watch me like a hawk. They are surprised and blessed when I treat situations with calmness and strength, not yelling at others or giving blame.

I spend so much time and energy wondering if I’m in the right place, looking for advise and counselors in the secular and religious world, and second-guessing my every decision. What if I just calmed down and said “Yes Lord” - yes to what you have for me today. Even with Moses’s giant mistakes, God used him mightily. I struggle with what Moses fought with at the burning bush - that my actions or my being disqualifies me from service. But if that were true, God wouldn’t have been able to use Moses.

What if the reasons God doesn’t answer sometimes is that I’m not asking the right question? What if I just rest in who the Lord is, trusting Him to guide me if I slip? What if I let the worries and doubts of others fall to the ground unless God picks them up and shows them to me?